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In this post, you’ll find a link to my most recent copywriting/proofreading portfolio. It contains work samples from my time at Electronic Arts, Mahalo.com, and Rap Pages Magazine.com. Enjoy!

Portfolio – Cozi Orlen

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Hey, guess what? I wrote this blog post: mhlo.co/HowToDrawBlog. I also wrote most of the text in the app itself. If you want to learn drawing and also have an iPad, then hey. Go for it. Ain’t nobody stoppin’ you. DL that sucka.

The kalimba!

Sorry about the horrible sound quality. My laptop mic isn’t made to record sound, it’s made to destroy it.

My recommendation: learn how to play a weird musical instrument. Glockenspiel, xylophone, theremin—whatever you can get your hands on.

I absolutely loved “Game of Thrones” the book series, but I have yet to actually watch a single episode of the show. It’s partially due to lingering annoyance of the fact that George R. R. Martin is incredibly good at making his fans wait for any new installments of the book series. He’ll never finish that thing. It’s frustrating.

It’s funny, that really highlights one of the main differences between novels and television: people expect shows to last forever and books to end. If “Game of Thrones” the show gets renewed forever and ever, I’ve got no complaints. But if he never finishes that series, my wife and I will want his head on a platter.

I haven’t even read his latest book. Or the one before it. And that’s because I know I’d have to re-read the entire series before reading the new books. And it takes FOREVER to catch back up. I did it once for the book before that. And you really have to catch back up, because those things are thick with info. I remember very little about the series, so I know I’d have to re-read the thing.

Thankfully, that won’t be an issue with the show. It’s practically bite-sized compared to the novels. Plus, if you missed out on anything, here, have this handy dandy recap:

 

And here, since you’ve all been such good little boys and girls, have a treat:

 

Vanilla bean creme brulee, no special effects required. No dragons required. Just a kitchen torch. Give it a try. Pretend the sugar is a medieval village just waiting to be swooped over and burned to death. Oh, the humanity, the delicious, vanilla-y humanity!

So Green Lantern‘s out. Yawn. I’m still waiting on Deadpool. And just look at what IMDB’s projecting for a release date. For shame, Ryan Reynolds, for shame.

Look, I’ve got nothing against Ryan Reynolds. He’s usually pretty funny. He was once engaged to Alanis Morissette, aka Kevin Smith’s God. He was even in Fifteen, Nickelodeon’s often-forgotten teen Drama. Anyone from a terrible show like that is automatically fantastic.

Billy Simpson, oh so dreamy

But delaying a movie about one of the funniest characters in comics just to play some stiff, boring DC superhero was a horrible lapse in judgment. At this point, any buzz garnered from the Wolverine movie has faded away completely. A Deadpool movie is going to look less and less profitable and relevant as time goes on. By 2014, it’ll be another What If? footnote in comics movie history.

And seriously, Green Lantern? A guy who uses a ring to save the world? What’s the appeal? Oh, wait…

Anyway, if you’re in my camp and pissed off about Reynolds choosing the Green Lantern over Deadpool, I recommend getting out some of that frustration. Learn how to draw the Green Lantern. And then learn how to deface him like a New York City subway movie poster.

I grew up playing a lot of videogames. A lot. And I was a Sega loyalist. I had every system Sega made (except for the 32X, because, well, I wasn’t stupid). I had Game Genie, so I could use cheat codes. I even had Sega Channel, which was sort of a GameFly.com precursor.

But when Sega stopped making consoles, I stopped playing videogames. I gave them up to focus on my other all-consuming hobby: television. As a result, I completely missed out on a lot of revolutions in gaming. The Internet became a major part of the videogame experience. Adults started playing. Platformers faded into the background, and wacky games about bluebirds and mummies who threw their own heads (“Decap Attack,” look it up some time) gave way to serious, mission-based “Metal Gear Solid” mini-movies. The sense of humor got sucked out of gaming.

These days, I stick to ROMs of old games I didn’t have the time to beat. 100 levels of “Zombies Ate My Neighbors” would have been worth missing school for, but my parents just weren’t on board. But thanks to ROMs, I can actually save games and come back to them. A brilliant function. Takes all the challenge out of it, of course, but that’s not really what it’s all about. It’s nostalgia coupled with the feeling of tying up a loose end.

Despite the numerous years I’ve been away from that world, I do still keep an ear out for interesting games. “Braid,” for example, and “Brutal Legend.” And every so often, I hear about game-changers coming out of E3. I’ve never actually been to E3, so for all I know, it could look like this:

I haven’t heard about anything from this year’s E3 that really piqued my interest, but that’s probably because Sega’s still dead.

So what am I recommending in this post? ROMs. Specifically, “Decap Attack” and “Zombies Ate My Neighbors,” two hilarous old-school games. Download them, play them. Use tomatoes to kill men with chainsaws. Throw footballs at martians. Or just throw your own head.

Sleep. You’ve all heard of it, and most of you have done it at some point in your life. And right now, I’m recommending it. Go to bed.